


Don't Cry, Red Butterfly

by Tsukiyomi



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Anxiety, Bonding, Depression, Falling In Love, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-05-07 07:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14665893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukiyomi/pseuds/Tsukiyomi
Summary: After graduating high school and getting his own place, Mo Guan Shan struggles with depression and anxiety grows bigger. His mom doesn't know about it and he especially doesn't want He Tian to find out. What happens when he begins to think about suicide and his world suddenly isn't as colorful as he wanted it to be? What happens when his willpower to live starts to deteriorate and why does Jian Yi keeps wanting to help him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to Old Xian!

The alarm blasted throughout his room and he reaches out from under the blanket to turn it off. The redhead groaned and buried his head deeper into his pillow.

"It's too fucking early," Guan Shan mumbled loudly and haul his body over to the bathroom for a cold shower to wake him up.

Once he finishes his daily routine in the bathroom, he opens up his medicine cabinet that's hidden behind the mirror for his anti-depressant pills. It seems strange to know that he, a former delinquent, had anxiety and depression. But he manages to hide it extremely well by putting on a tough facade. He doesn't think he's weak or anything, he just hates that he has it.

Redhead didn't even realize he had depression or anxiety at first. He just thought having dark thoughts, no motivation to continue school, being angry all the time, and worrying too much were normal behaviors teens go through.

That is until a checkup at the doctor had him coming home in a daze. His doctor diagnosed him with depression and anxiety after he mentioned how he's been feeling for the past years.

It wasn't that bad in middle school since he was still young, naive, and had "friends" to help distract him. But as he reaches another milestone in his high school life, depression also went with him and it seems that the demons were growing. But he refused to succumb to the darkness and tried to break free. 

He spent days researching about his "sickness" after coming home to the doctor. He didn't want to refer it as a "mental illness" because he refused to believe that something is wrong with him. Even though Guan shan got a better understanding of the two illnesses, it still bothered him immensely to know that he'll have to deal with it probably for the rest of his life.

And he hated that so much. It made him feel weak.

Guan Shan stared at the bottle in his hands and sets it back in its place. He hasn't popped one for a few weeks now because he wants to try and control it without medications. 

He frowned and began to fix his now longer hair. It's still spiky but he decided to shave only his right side of the head, and gotten piercings on his ears. He even worked out more so now his body was nicely built, but not as big as He Tian. 

Just thinking about that black hair male makes him sigh. You'd think that they would get closer after that weird ass relationship they developed back in middle school. Nope. He still treated He Tian like he's some weird specimen that needs to go away but the guy insisted on being friends and putting the past behind them and shit. 

He told He Tian to fuck off. The guy still bothers him even when they're in university now. Why the universe decided to put the two of them together in the same university is beyond a mystery to him. Guan Shan attended Beijing University and is stationed at the Culinary Arts building while He Tian is over at the business building, which is on the other side of the campus and for that, he was immensely grateful. 

After styling his hair nicely on his head, he steps over to his room and changed out of his boxers with some nice clothes. Grabbing his favorite cologne, he sprays a few times on his body and places the cap back on the bottle. Then he grabs his bags and makes his way out to the kitchen to cook some breakfast. 

He doesn't hate He Tian or anything, but he can't forget how the male treated him the first time they met. What bewildered him was when the demon himself became so nice to him after that incident when he ran out of that restaurant and it creeped him out. But Guan Shan didn't care, he was only tolerating He Tian for the money. He stopped working for the black hair male when they were in high school and he got a part-time job. But He Tian would call him over a few times just to cook meals and "hang" out, but the redhead could never stay long due to his job and he had homework to do. 

Something about having your own place made Guan Shan felt a bit lonely but having a roommate was another story. He knew that if he had placed an ad up on Craiglist for a roommate, He Tian would somehow find out and suggest that Guan Shan come live with him and he shudders. No way. He decided to have an omelet and toast for breakfast and grab the ingredients out from the fridge. 

After 10 minutes, he's sitting on his kitchen counter and eating his eggs and toast. Guan Shan took this time to look around the new apartment that he brought with his saved up money. A small apartment that's closed to his university and job. Not too shabby, but not as fancy as He Tian's. His mom offered to help around the house but he refused to let her because she's already paying for his tuition. So he took a part-time job as a cook at this nice, little shop and he loved every minute of it. The boss was nice and the other staffs were always friendly with him. The money was good too. He never told He Tian because why he should he and he knew that the guy would come bug him every fucking minute about coming to work for him again, and how the money would be better. He just wasn't having that nonsense. 

When the clock reaches 9:15 am, he rushes out of his seat and quickly puts on his shoes before grabbing his bag and leaving his apartment. He still didn't have a car yet because he didn't think he needs it now, not when the university isn't that far from his apartment. He retrieves his old yellow bike and hopped on. 

The school comes into view and he pedals over to the bike section, making sure to chain it. A few students were eyeing him and some were even checking him out, but he ignores them and walked into the cool building. 

Once inside, the redhead fishes inside his bag for his schedule. He seriously needs to remember his classes room number but it's hard when the building is so huge that it's got like 10 floors. He knew which floors were his classrooms but he couldn't remember the room number. Guan Shan could hear the heavy panting coming from a few students who were walking alongside him. He rolled his eyes and walked faster. Years of training made him stronger. 

Guan Shan walked down the hall and finally found his classroom. He had about 15 minutes to chill before the bell rang so he went over to his desk, ignoring all of his classmates. He took out his phone and began scrolling through Instagram. A photo of an old friend slipping on puddles and making a cheesy grin caused him to smile and he taps on his screen twice, seeing the little heart appear. He hadn't seen Buzzcut since graduation so he made a mental note to text him afterward.

Just then, a text message appeared and he rolled his eyes. Not even bothering to read it, he exits out from the social media and locked his phone. Thank god He Tian didn't have any classes with him or otherwise, he would've had to deal with that little demon. The class was about to start and students began pilling in, so he grabs his notebook, book, and pencil out from his bag. He had English on Mondays and Wednesdays and culinary classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He made sure to leave the weekends open so he could go work. 

As he's focusing on jotting down the notes, he felt his phone buzz inside his pocket. He ignored it. But then another buzz come and another came to the point where he almost broke his pencil from gripping it so tight. Guan Shan knew who they were from and when the class finally ended, he gathered all of his stuff into his bag and took out his phone. 

10 text messages from He Tian.

He proceeds to ignore the messages and walked out to the hallways. But just as he turns a corner, his eyes grew wide at seeing He Tian at the end of the hallway and he turned around so fast that the poor guy behind him almost fell on his bottom. Guan Shan apologized and jogged towards the staircase to avoid coming face to face with the demon. Even in university, He Tian is still popular with the ladies but then again, it's nothing new. He took a moment to calm his racing heart and made it out of the building. He checks his phone and head into the school's cafe shop that's situated outside. The smell of coffee seems to ease his anxiety whenever he visits. After ordering himself an iced caramel macchiato, he took a seat by the window and his ears perked up at the booming laughter from across his table. One guy had long blonde hair tied in a half bun while the other one had short brown hair. He squints and stared at them. They looked so familiar but he couldn't put a finger on it since all he can see is their backs.

Ever since high school graduation, Guan Shan didn't keep in contact with the people he knew since middle school and it didn't bother him. People had their own thing to worry about and lives to live so he understood that. He thought He Tian would cut off all ties with him when they graduated but he was proven wrong and the bastard still wouldn't cut the ties. As for that Jian Yi guy and his boy crush, he didn't hear from them since. Sipping on his iced coffee, he opens up his laptop and began searching for new dishes to try out today in class. They were free to cook whatever they wanted and it excited the redhead. He's so lost in thoughts that he didn't see the black hair devil walking into the cafe and towards him.


	2. Chapter 2

Guan Shan finally found the one recipe he knew would impress his professor. Braised Leeks with Mozerella and a fried egg that's topped with mustardy bread crumbs by Charleen Badman. A simple dish but he knew the taste would be extraordinary judging from the picture. He never made it before but he's confident that he could make it exactly like the one in the photo. Just when he's in the middle of reading the ingredients, a giant hand covered his laptop screen and he quickly looks up at the owner. A scowl appears on his face and he slapped the hand away. 

"What do you want?"

"Someone didn't answer my texts so I went looking for them." He Tian smiles and pulls up a chair in front of the redhead. A couple of girls began looking over to their direction and he wanted to leave. The amount of attention isn't something he's used to and it only made him a bit anxious. But when he finds himself oogling eyes at He Tian's perfect hair that's been swept back and the fucking bastard even shaved both sides of his head to match Guan Shan's hair of having shaved one side only because "they're friends now", annoyance quickly replaced his anxious feeling. Out of everyone He Tian could hang out with, he chooses to bother him specifically. 

Why couldn't the universe be good to him for once? 

"I was in class, bastard. Now that you're here, what do you want?" Guan Shan didn't have time to deal with the guy right now. His class starts in half an hour and he had to focus on learning about the dish. 

"I just want to hang out with you before your next class. Let's chit chat until then." He Tian stood up and heads over to the register to get himself an Americano. Guan Shan rolled his eyes and focus his attention back on his laptop. 

"Yo He Tian!" A loud voice called out to the black hair male. 

"Oh? So you actually transferred to here? I'm surprised you even got accepted to Beijing University with that low IQ of yours." He Tian turns back to the girl and gave her his winning smile after he ordered his drink. The barista flushes and quickly went to go make his drink while he chats with his friends.

The barista then hands him his drink and he winked at her. He peek over to Guan Shan to see his reaction but sighs when the redhead isn't even looking at him.

"Fuck you, bastard! Nice to see you too!" The blonde male gave him the finger and then stood up to give him a side hug.

"I'm just joking. Congrats on coming here, guys. But I gotta go. Got a little puppy waiting for me. Talk to you two later." He Tian gives a little wave to the couple and heads on over to Guan Shan.

"Hey! But-!"

"Stop making a fuss, some people are trying to study!" A different voice spoke up and hits the loud one on the head. Guan Shan didn't bother to look up because he's too busy trying to memorize the cooking directions and he can't do that if he glances up. 

But those fucking voices were so damn familiar as if he heard them somewhere. Guan Shan didn't bother to figure it out because he really didn't care and anyone who's a friend of He Tian only decrease his curiosity of figuring out who those voices belong too. He thinks that all of He Tian's friends are evil because if you're a friend of He Tian, then you're also an asshole is what he believes.

A little voice at the back of his mind informed him that he too, was a friend of He Tian but he shook off that bullshit nonsense. He didn't consider He Tian a friend, just an old "boss" he used to provide maid services for. A strict boss and employee relationship are what he keeps telling himself but then flashbacks of the times where He Tian helped out a few times causes him to doubt. He shook his head and tried his hardest to concentrate on his laptop. This is why he didn't want to be around He Tian. The guy confuses him sometimes. 

He manages to tune out their voices and sips on his iced coffee. He Tian came over a few minutes later and took a seat in front of the redhead. 

"Sorry about that. Let's talk now. What are you doing?" He Tian took a sip of his Americano and smiles at the redhead, who glance at him for a brief second before eyeing his laptop once more. "I'm reading about this dish that I'm going to make later in class."

"Ooo, what is it? Maybe you could cook it over at my house later so I can try it," He Tian smiles wide, interlocking his fingers together and placing his chin on top of his hands. 

Guan Shan ignored the last statement and leans back against his chair. "Why do you even care, He Tian? I told you I wasn't going to cook for you anymore and you keep asking me. Go hire a maid or something."

"I would, but somebody doesn't want to be my maid anymore. So tell me what's this new dish that you're going to cook today. I don't think I ever see you cook anything new at my place before." He Tian fake pout and Guan Shan wanted to punch him but refrains himself. He's been trying to work on his anger issues but it's really hard when the guy that's the cause of your hell is sitting in front of you. Okay, maybe the word hell is too exaggerating, but what other words can he describe how He Tian makes him feel at the moment? It's clearly isn't pleasant.

"That's because you keep asking for the same damn dish every time, bastard. Don't you get fucking bored with eating beef stew every dinner? Even I get tired of eating the same dish for weeks," Guan Shan huffed and took another sip of his iced caramel macchiato. The ices were already melting due to the sunlight coming in through the window and he grimaced at the watery taste at the bottom of the cup.

"It's because you made it is why I never get bored of it. The taste never fails to amaze me because I can feel your hard work being put into it whenever you make it for me. Kind of makes me feel like I'm being cared for." 

Guan Shan felt his face grow the same color as his hair and he quickly looked out the window to hide it. Did that guy just compliment him and why the chicken dick did he feel happy about that? He's becoming insane. He needed to go have his ears checked later because he could have sworn he heard He Tian said something about Guan Shan caring for him. What the fuck.

"Little Mo~ are you blushing?"

He could hear the amusement tone from the devil and he refused to make eye contact with the bastard. 

"None of your chicken dick business." He mutters and crossed his arms. "For your information, I take pride when I cook so of course, it'll taste amazing. I cooked the damn dish and I only come over when you need me to cook because it'll be troublesome when you get all fat from eating take outs all the damn time. I don't need you dying on me all because you can't cook." Guan Shan finally turns his head to glare at He Tian, but his eyes grew into saucers when the handsome demon burst out laughing. 

It was such a strange sight to him because the redhead sometimes forgets that He Tian could make such a lively expression other than his usual "I'm better than you so bow down to me, peasant" expression. For once, he prefers this expression than his usual narcissism look. 

"But can you imagine me being all round when I call you to come over? You'd probably have to roll me into the kitchen since I won't be able to walk," He Tian chuckles and brings his coffee cup to his lips.

At that, Guan Shan threw his head back and laughed. The image of a round He Tian greeting him and having to roll himself throughout the house was too hilarious. He Tian stared at the rare expression on redhead and quickly took his phone out. 

"Fuck, you'd probably end up bouncing all over the place and I'd have to run after you to make sure you don't break anything-"

Click.

Guan Shan froze and stared at He Tian. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Taking a picture of you laughing. It's not something I get to see every day, so I want to cherish it," He Tian smirks and saved it into his contact list. He avoided the outreached hand coming at him and his smirk only grew wider.

"Delete it!" Guan Shan demanded, already standing up to try and reach the phone.

"Nope. I'll add it to my collection of Guan Shan's best expressions."

The redhead could've sworn he saw the little horns and the devil's tail popping out. He knew it's pretty useless to change He Tian's mind because of how incredibly stubborn the guy is.

"You're unbelievable. I'm leaving, now." Guan Shan checks the time and saw he had about 10 minutes until his class starts, so he started to place his laptop neatly into his backpack.

He Tian drank the remaining of his coffee and stood up. "Alright."

"You don't have to walk me to class!" Guan Shan was ready to protest if the latter even think about wanting to escort him to his campus. He didn't want to attract unnecessary attention, especially when the majority of his classmates consist of females over at the culinary arts and they would constantly pester him about his relationship with He Tian. 

"Who said I'm walking you to class, little Mo? I'm getting ready to head to the gym and then we can go back to my place after you finish your class so you can make me that new dish!," He Tian grins and slung an arm around the red head's shoulder as they walk out of the cafe door.

"I'll pass. I'm going to be coming home a bit later today. Don't wait up on me!" Guan Shan push away the arm and begin making his way over to the Culinary Arts building.

"Hey! Don't forget to text me back! I needed your opinion on something. See you later, Mo!~" 

"Fucking scram already!" Without looking back, Guan Shan gave him the finger with no heat involved and kept walking. Honestly, just what is that guy's real intention of wanting to hang out with him? Certainly, he can't only want friendship, there must be something more. But no matter how much he thinks it through, he can never come up with a definite answer other than the guy is just one huge sadist who enjoys teasing other people. 

Oh right, the text messages. He Tian said that he needed his opinion on something but all kinds of thoughts appeared in his head, making him not want to even open the text app. What if it's another dick pic? He's glad that the last time the black hair male sent him a dick pic was back in middle school, surprisingly. But the redhead can never tell what to expect when it comes to He Tian.

But the curiosity got the best of him and he slips his hand into his jeans for his mobile. He takes it out and taps on the messaging app. His fingers hover over He Tian's name and he sighs. Might as well be prepared for whatever comes. 

From He Tian: 

Little Mo! I need your opinion on something! Text me back!

From He Tian (2):

Mo~ Why aren't you answering my texts?

From He Tian (3):

Are you ignoring me? Mooooooooooo

From He Tian (4):

I'm not joking, I seriously need your help. 

From He Tian (5):

I get that I'm an asshole, but do you really have to ignore me that much? Text me back please~

From He Tian (6): 

Guan Shan!! Are you jerking off? 

He already wants to punch He Tian but he tells himself to calm down until he reads the rest of the text messages. He didn't understand why He Tian couldn't fucking ask him all in one message. What's up with people breaking it up into small clusters? He hated that. 

Redhead finally enters the white building and went straight to his classroom. He puts on an apron and went to the massive fridge and look for the stuff he needed.

After getting his ingredients out, he leans against the counter and resumes reading the rest of the messages. He still had a couple of minutes to chill before his professor arrives and the guy loves coming in late. He was going to read the rest after class but something tells him that if he didn't respond soon, the devil would personally wait for him outside of class and he couldn't deal with the endless questions from his female classmates. As much as he enjoys cooking with them, they would never stop with those stubborn ass questions. 

From He Tian (7): 

You know, I'm actually kind of disappointed to see that you don't want to talk to me. I know you're probably annoyed right now from all of those other texts. I would call you, but you're in class.

So the bastard knew he was in class and still sent him 10 freaking messages? That damn asshole. Of course, he doesn't really want to talk to him. Guan Shan thought he made it clear already. Who in the right mind would want to be friends with a guy like him?

From He Tian (8): 

But I really like talking to you and you're the first person that I really care about. You probably don't even believe me, but it's true. I care about you more than you think, even if I don't say it. 

Guan Shan scoffs but keeps reading. 

From He Tian (9): 

I do want us to be friends, Guan Shan. So please forgive me for what I've done in the past. I can't go back to those times and undo my wrongs, but I can make up for it if you let me. I regret a lot of things back in middle school, but meeting you wasn't. It's funny because the reason why I texted you is to ask you for help, but I ended up getting all sentimental and you must think it's hilarious. 

The redhead stared at his screen in utter silence. He didn't even know what to think or even feel at this moment. He knew that it must have taken He Tian a lot of courage to type those words and send it. Crap, he's beginning to feel guilty for all those times he pushed He Tian away when all the guy wants to do is just be friends with him. 

"Fuck. I'm the one being an asshole here." Maybe He Tian really is sorry for what he did and he couldn't see that because he spent so much time holding on a grudge. He continues to read the rest of the messages and notice some of his classmates were starting to enter the classroom. 

From He Tian (10):

Sorry, you must think I'm sprouting bullshit again. But I meant it, Guan Shan. I meant every word. Please let me be your friend. You're the first person I ever care about. Okay, I should stop now. Anyways, little Mo!~ I would love to hear your opinion on something that I've been working on for a while now. Please give me your honest answer and I do care what you think of it.

Guan Shan taps on the file attachment that's at the bottom of the message. Almost immediately right after he opens it, he calmly sets it down on his table and clasps his hands together with his eyes closed. He should have fucking known to not let his guard down. 

It was an ass pic.

Underneath the photo was a message that reads, "What do you think? I've been doing some deadlifts and wanted to see if my butt looks good?"

The redhead exhales and began to mutter silently. "Whoever can hear me up there right now, please give me the fucking- wait, sorry I shouldn't curse, please give me the ultimate and most powerful strength to not kill chicken dick He fucking Tian after class. Please."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Old Character belongs to Old Xian!

For the rest of the day, Mo Guan Shan did everything he could to avoid coming across He Tian and went straight home. A risky move but he didn't care. He genuinely thought that the guy needed his help on something but once he came across that picture, his fucks went flying out of the window. He had enough of idiot He Tian and his fucking shenanigans. 

What's even worse was that his lesbian kitchen partner saw the picture and he never felt so embarrassed in his life. It was right after when he had prayed for the strength to control his murderous urge that he didn't hear her coming from behind, and when he reaches for his phone to reply to He Tian, the image was still there and she so happens to see it.

He wanted to fucking die on the spot as soon as she burst out laughing so hard she had to step aside from the kitchen or else she risked hurting herself. 

So here he was, trying to work on his homework on his laptop to distract his still killing spree urge but his phone wouldn't stop ringing ever since he came home and he could feel his annoyance rising. With a loud sigh, Guan Shan tried to focus all his power on concentrating on this English paper but he eventually gave in after half an hour passed and it seems like He Tian isn't planning on stopping at all cost to contact him.

He looks down at his phone and sure enough, He Tian calls again and this time he answers. 

"Mo-"

"Look here, fucking bastard. First of all, how dare you sent me that horrifying picture because I'm gonna have nightmares now. Do you not have any fucking shame when you take photos like that and why the fuck do you want my opinion on it. Stop calling my phone every hour, I'm trying to work on my paper!" Guan Shan breathes heavily and his heart races against his chest. He closes his eyes momentarily when he feels his nerves going haywire and he begins to perform the deep breathing technique. It's what his doctor taught him to do whenever his anxiety starts acting up. 

This is why he's trying to work on his anger issues. Whenever he gets mad, it affects his anxiety and his legs grow restless and right now, He Tian is making him frustrated. After 10 deep breaths, he's managed to calm down a bit and when he heard chuckling, he stills.

"Sorry. Would've it been better if I sent it at night instead?"

Guan Shan sighs irritably, pinching the bridge of his nose. This guy really has no shame, whatsoever. "He Tian-"

Another deep laugh rang in his ear and the redhead hates how much that laugh affects him right now because it's enough to stop his anger from rising any further. Fucking hell, he must be going mad. 

"I'm kidding, Guan Shan. Relax, okay? I went searching for you right after my gym session to treat you out but I couldn't even find you."

Guan Shan rubbed his temples. This paper would have to wait because no way can he concentrate with He Tian on the phone, so he closes his laptop and went to sit on the couch to play some games on his ps4. "Who in the chicken dick would want to go eat out with you after sending that picture? Why couldn't you send it to one of your fangirls?"

He made himself comfortable on the couch and went to go put He Tian on speaker while he plays his game. Ending the call abruptly would only insult in getting more endless calls from the guy and the redhead didn't want that. This guy was so fucking clingy. 

"They wouldn't be able to handle looking at my glorious ass, of course!"

The redhead snorted and curses immediately when his game character lost a part of his health level from fighting monsters. "What makes you think I could handle seeing it?!" As soon as those words left his mouth, his eyes grew wide and he was about to explain himself to prevent any misunderstanding, but then those same fucking laughter rang throughout his living room and he wanted to bang his head against the table.

"So my butt DID look good, then?"

"Hell no. I've seen better." Guan Shan raised an eyebrow and glance at his phone when he heard loud laughter at the background, but the voice didn't belong to He Tian. 

"Are you lying, little Mo~?" 

"Why the hell would I?" At this point, he's too busy trying to survive in the game and outrunning all these damn zombies that kept appearing from every corner. When his game character hits a dead end, he curses out loud and took every strength in him to not throw the god damn device against the wall when the mob of zombies caught him. His fingers began pressing the buttons repeatedly, not even paying attention to his phone much now.

"Come on, you know it looked great. You can even grab onto it if you like."

"Fucking pervert. Your ass is ugly. There, that's my opinion. Damn it!" Guan Shan hisses when the weapon he picked got thrown off by a zombie he's currently fighting now.

"I figured you'd said that which is why I'm coming over to your apartment right now! You'll get to see it in person and I even brought the guys to come to see you since they haven't heard from you in a long time!"

Guan Shan gasps and snaps his neck over to his phone so quick, he knew something must have popped. "You fucking what?! Don't you dare come here!"

"Well, since someone didn't wait for me after class, it's only fair that I go to you, no? Plus, they really want to see your new transformation with that hair and body of yours." 

"He Tian-."

"Come on. It's not that bad. They really want to see you again. I thought it'll be nice to hang out like the old times." 

"Why does it matter to you if it'll be like old times? I hated the old times, what makes you think I'd want you and whoever the fuck you're bringing over to my apartment?"

"Why not? They won't leave until we have this party at your place."

Guan Shan's eyebrows shot up and he stared at his phone, bewildered. "Wait, what? A party at my place?! Just go do it at your apartment!"

"If the party took place at my apartment, would you come?" 

"No way!"

"Thought so. Now open the door for us, little Mo!"

"You-!" A knock on the door had the redhead leaping up from the couch and he finds himself checking his living room to see if anything was out of place, other than having his laptop and books on the table. The apartment is pretty much clean since he likes to keep things neat.

"Little Mo!~ Open up!" He Tian calls out from outside the door and Guan Shan saw that the call has ended. Frustration is shown all over his face because not only is the devil himself coming into his apartment for the first time, but other people would be here. The redhead never invited anyone other than his mom over to his apartment because he didn't really have anyone he could call to come over to hang. He Tian doesn't count as the guy likes to pop up randomly without his consent.

Making friends wasn't something he was good at, but it doesn't matter because he didn't like people very much anyways. The only real friend he ever had is Buzzcut and he curses out loud when he forgot to text the guy. But now's not the time to think about the silver hair male when He Tian is standing outside his apartment door. 

"Fucking bastard," he mutters and walks over to the door. He's gonna tell them to fuck off but when he opens the door halfway, a body is slammed into his and they landed on the ground.

"What the fuck!?"

"Redhead! It's been a long time!"

A male with long blonde hair tied into a half bun that he saw at the cafe today is now on top of him. It took him a moment to acknowledge the fact that he wasn't dreaming and that this is real. "J-Jian Yi?!"

"Wow, He Tian wasn't kidding when he said you looked different. You got so hot, Guan Shan!" Jian Yi grins at him from above. Guan Shan notices that the other had more lean muscles and his hair length at shoulder length, with a much sharper jawline. The blonde also seems to have gotten piercings on both ears, small silver hoops attached to each earlobe. 

He blushes when he caught himself thinking about how attractive the blonde has gotten and the heavyweight is off of him in an instant. He sat up to see He Tian picking up Jian Yi as if the guy weighs nothing and shoving him to the side. It must be his imagination but He Tian seems to be irritated at first before his smile reappears again.

"Alright, since we're here. Let's throw a little party, shall we?" He Tian grins and went over to the coffee table in the living room with a bag of beers and snacks. 

Guan Shan is about to protest when another view blocked his sight and he locked eyes with the same brown hair male at the cafe. Was this deja vu or something? "Zheng Xi!" His eyes nearly bulged out at the body size difference between him and the blonde because the guy had to be almost the same size as He Tian now!

"He Tian was right. You look good, Guan Shan. How have you been?" Zheng Xi smiles and the redhead snapped out of his thoughts. "T-Thanks, so do you. I've been doing okay, just getting through life. I see that you're still stuck with Jian Yi."

Xi chuckles and shoved his hands in his pocket. "Yeah, I can say the same with you and He Tian."

"More like that fucking idiot keeps on clinging to me," Guan Shan muttered, his face in a scowl. 

"Jian Yi is the same way," Xi snorted and his eyes traveled over to the blonde. Neither men said a word for a while, just watching the other guys going arguing back and forth about who would win the drinking game.

"When He Tian told us that you attended the same university, Jian Yi wanted to see you and thought we should all throw a party at your place so I hope you don't mind. I suggested we'd do it at He Tian's but he said you wouldn't come if we did so....."Xi trailed off, knowing the other understood what he was going to say next. 

Guan Shan sigh and ruffles his hair. It wouldn't hurt to hang out with them again since it HAS been a long time. 

"Guan Shan! Can you make us something to eat? I'm starving!" Jian Yi shouted, patting his stomach.

"Me too, now you can cook us that new dish you made in class today!" He Tian smiles and began to make himself comfortable. The redhead was about to protest but then decided against it since it's not beef stew this time and because he knew that blondie over there would continue to pester him about it. 

"Fine, but you guys are cleaning after yourself, got it?!" Guan Shan continues to mumbles underneath his breath as he makes his way over to his kitchen and puts on an apron. He saw movement from the corner of his eye and looked over to see Zheng Xi standing a few inches away from him. 

"I'll help."

But Guan Shan waved him off as he grabs the necessary ingredients out from his fridge. "It's fine, I got it. Just go join them in the living room and makes sure they don't break my stuff." He started chopping the vegetables and grabs his pan from the cabinet. Turning on the stove, he waits for the pan to heat up and went to grab the breadcrumbs. 

"But-"

"Xi, I appreciate the help but I think it's better if you make sure blondie over there doesn't break anything while he's drunk. This dish won't take long to make, so go join the rest of them." When the stove grew hot, he added the oil and began cooking. 

Zheng Xi contemplated for a while but did what he was instructed, knowing that it's better to keep an eye on Jian Yi since the guy couldn't handle his liquor well. By the time he made it to the living room, he saw that the guys were playing cards and plop himself down on the ground. After 10 minutes, the smell of food started floating through each nostril and stomach growls could be heard. 

Guan Shan had just finished applying the fried egg on every 4 plates when He Tian walked in. "Smells good in here, little Mo~". 

Without looking up, he ordered the black hair male to help him with the dishes while he goes retrieves the spoons. The two youngsters make their way over to the coffee table and carefully settled the plates down. Jian Yi's face lit up and he quickly indulges in, not waiting for the others since he really was hungry. "Whoa, this is delicious!" 

"You should make more non-Chinese foods, little Mo~" He Tian takes a bite of his food and licks his lips afterward. "It's delicious!"

"I agree, I wouldn't mind eating food from other countries every now and then." Xi gave him a thumbs up and Guan Shan could feel his face heating up slightly from the compliments. He felt his pride swell and chug a beer to hide his embarrassed face. 

The redhead would be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying himself. They were all currently watching Jian Yi half drunkenly trying to tie pigtails on He Tian's hair, which had him laughing. He couldn't remember feeling this content and relax before. Hanging out with He Tian from time to time was different compared to this because all four of them together was definitely nice.

"Jian Yi, stop drinking!" Xi snatches the drink from the blonde's hand. "You know you can't handle your liquor and yet, you continue to get pass your limit!"

"But Xi!~ Today is a special day of us meeting redhead again so of course, I'm going to drink more than usual! I won't do anything stupid, come on, gimme!"

The two childhood friends continue to bicker at each other, leaving Guan Shan and He Tian to stare at them in amusement. The four males continue to chat as the hours passed and soon, it was already midnight. Guan Shan groaned because he had work tomorrow and here he was, drinking his ass off. He doesn't get in until the afternoon but he knew that he should cherish all the sleep he can get since he anticipated a nasty hangover the next morning. 

"Alright, the party's over. I have work tomorrow and need all the rest I can get. Y'all need to leave." 

"Aw, but it's still so early!" Jian Yi pouted, his face flushed with the booze. 

"No, Guan Shan's right. It's already late, come on. Get up- no stop! Put that down, Jian Yi! Stop drinking, idiot!" Xi successfully grabs all of the bottles and shoved it away from the blonde's grabby hands, kicking him to the side. 

Guan Shan stood up and started to collect the plates with the help of Zheng Xi, who wasn't as drunk as the two idiots. The redhead peeks over at the black hair male who didn't surprisingly protest and instantly looked away when the drunk bastard is staring at him with a heavy gaze. "Bastard, don't just stare at me. Get your lazy ass up and help me clean up this mess!"

Surprisingly, He Tian didn't say a word and did as he was told. But as soon as he stood up, his legs grew wobbly and he landed back on the couch with a hand on his head. "Sorry little Mo, looks like I drank too much~." 

The redhead rolled his eyes and grabs the bag to the kitchen with Xi staying back to collect the empty beer bottles and shoving it into the trash bag. 

"I have to pee. Redhead, where's your bathroom at?" Jian Yi stood up on wobbly legs and lean against the wall for support. 

"Down the hall and to your right. Don't make a mess in there!" Guan Shan shouted from the kitchen. 

"Got it, got it. Fuck, I shouldn't have drunk so much." Jian Yi mumbles underneath his breath as he stumbled into the bathroom and quickly relieving his self. After flushing the toilet, he went to go wash his hands when he looks up in the mirror. 

"What the hell? I look like a mess." He turns off the sink water and dried his hand on the towel hanging on the door. Just when he's about to grab the doorknob, his vision double and he cradles his head against his hand. "That's it. I'm never drinking so much again." 

Suddenly, his legs gave out and with a panic, his hand shot up to grab the mirror for support and his other hand landed on the sink. If anyone saw him right now, they would have questioned his unique stance at the moment but what really caught his attention was what was stored in the mirror. 

Jian Yi slowly stood back up on his two feet and looked through the condiments, his eyes pausing at one specific bottle. He knows he shouldn't be touching redhead's stuff but he's drunk and any sign of being sober is pretty slim at this point. Plus, he's curious. With shaky hands, he picks it up and reads the label. His pale eyes grew wide when he recognized the drug's name. "Anti-depressant pills?"

"What the fuck are you doing?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All characters belong to Old Xian! Enjoy!~

"Is this the last of it?"

"Yeah. Here you go." Guan Shan handed Xi the trash bag and watches as the other male exits out of the apartment to dump it into those bigger trash bins located outside. He glances over to He Tian and saw that his eyes were closed. He then strolled on over and nudges the guy with his foot. "Hey, He Tian!"

He Tian didn't move and continues to have his eyes closed. Just when the redhead thought the guy fell asleep, he heard a soft groan. "....Hnng."

"Don't fall asleep here, bastard. Go home already." Guan Shan check the area one more time to make sure all of the bottles and food crumbs were gone from the table and floor. When He Tian merely waved his hand in response, he resisted the urge to kick him out on the streets.

He's about to go wash the dishes when he heard a loud bang coming from inside the restroom. Eyeing the door with curiosity and wondering what the hell was the blonde doing, he walks on over to the bathroom. When he opens the door, the sight has his stomach flop.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Jian Yi flinched and met eyes with an extremely pissed off redhead. 

Guan Shan closed the door behind him and snatched the bottle from the blonde's hand, setting it back on the shelves before shutting the mirror a bit too hard. "Didn't anyone teach you to not touch other people's things?" 

Jian Yi held both of his hands up with an apologetic expression. "I'm sorry. I was about to head out of the door when I got dizzy, lost balance, and opened up your mirror by accident. It wasn't intentional, I swear."

The redhead stares into the blondes pale eyes, looking to confirm those statements. Seeing that there were nothing but truth in those eyes, he clicked his tongue and cast his eyes away. Neither men said a word for a while and Jian Yi scratch the nape of his neck, now less drunk then he was before.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

Jian Yi continues. "How long?"

The redhead frowned deeply, knowing what that question meant. "None of your business."

"I want to help you."

Guan Shan balls up his fist and glares at the blonde. "Don't fucking pity me, Jian Yi. I can take care of myself, I'm not a weakling that needs help."

"I'm not looking at you with pity, Guan Shan. I know you can take care of yourself. All I'm saying is that....if you ever, you know, have bad thoughts and need someone to talk or rant, I'm here. I actually know a lot about depression." 

"What do you know about it?" 

Just then the door knocking caused both of them to jump. "Hey, are you done? I need to piss." 

Jian Yi opened the door, revealing a drunk He Tian who shoved them aside and began pulling his pants down. The blonde eyes nearly bulge at the size. "God damn, He Tian. That thing is-" 

Guan Shan immediately flushed bright red and grab a hold of Jian Yi's shirt, dragging him out of the door before he turns around and slams the door shut. But Jian Yi wouldn't let it go and turned to stare at him, wide eye. "Guan Shan, did you see that thing? Holy shit-"

"Stop talking, you perverted bastard!" The redhead smacked the other on the head, earning a whine in response. His cheeks were still dusted a rosy color and he grips a few hair strands. He thankfully looked away on time before He Tian could unzip his pants. However, he didn't think Jian Yi would talk about it, that stupid bastard. The fatigue is starting to creep in and he didn't want to deal with anyone right now. It's already 12:30 am and he releases a frustrated noise. 

Suddenly, an arm slung around his shoulder and drags him out to the hallway. 

"Listen, Guan Shan. I know about depression, anxiety, PTSD, bipolar, and more. I'm especially familiar with depression specifically and...suicide." The blonde paused and so did his footsteps. The redhead said nothing and waits for him to finish. "So if you ever find yourself going down that road, don't hesitate to shoot me a text or call. Whether you just need someone to listen or someone to talk to, I'm here." 

"Tch. That's what they all say. Then when you need them, they suddenly don't give a fuck and you're left alone with your thoughts. One of the reasons why I hate people. No one cares if you're hurting on the inside."

Jian Yi frowned and boink him on the head.

"Ow! What the fuck!?"

"Well, I'm not like those people. If I say I'll be there, I'll be there. I'm a man of my words and I care about you!"

Guan Shan sighs and rubbed his temples. It's bad enough that one of the guys found out about his secret and out of everyone he's ever met in his life, it has to be other than Jian freaking Yi. But it can't get worse knowing that He Tian was still inside his restroom and could start digging through his stuff. He'll have to quickly end this conversation before anyone else hears it.

"Why the hell do you even care, Jian Yi. It's no big deal, I can tolerate it and go on with my life. Like I said before, I'm not so weak that I can't fight it when it comes. It's not even a big deal that I have it." It really wasn't, considering he's been doing just fine without the pills. But his anxiety however, was a different story that would be explained later on. 

But Jian Yi continues to persist. "Because we're friends, Guan Shan! I do care about your health. Didn't He Tian tell you why I transferred to Beijing University a few weeks back?"

"He Tian never mentioned you until now." Guan Shan deadpanned. 

Speaking of the drunken male, He Tian was finally coming out of the bathroom and dragged his feet over to them. "I didn't mention what?" 

Upon seeing He Tian, Guan Shan visibly tense but quickly regain his composure.

Jian Yi gasp and place his hand over his heart dramatically. "You mean you didn't tell little redhead? Oh, you poor soul." He laughs and dodges a hit coming from the blushing redhead. 

"Just tell me already!" 

Jian Yi grins and flipped his hair to the side. "I'm majoring in psychiatry. I plan on becoming a psychiatrist!" 

Silence. 

"...................Bullshit."

He Tian snorted and ruffle the blonde's soft locks. "I told you that he wouldn't believe you."

"But it's true! Right, Xi?!" Jian Yi fake wail and ran over to the half-asleep best friend, who almost stumbled back against the sudden momentum. "Yeah, yeah. It's getting late and I'm tired. Let's go home. My little sister won't stop asking me when I'm coming back."

At that, Jian Yi rolled his eyes playfully and wrapped his arm around Xi's neck. "Your sister is in high school and she's still acting like that?" 

Zheng Xi sighs and rubbed his face. "Believe me, I'm trying to get her to stop being so clingy to me. Anyways, let's go." He turns halfway and lifted a hand up in the air. "We'll be leaving now. Thanks for having us, Guan Shan."

"Xi, thanks for helping me clean up, unlike those two lazy drunkard bastards." He earned a chuckle in response and watches the two best friends exiting out of his apartment. As he walks the two males to the door, he quickly grabs Jian Yi aside while Zheng Xi descended down the sidewalk and whispered furiously to the blonde. "Jian Yi, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell the other guys. Especially He Tian." Because he was desperate to keep this a secret, he quietly adds, "Please." 

"Jian Yi?" Zheng Xi calls out.

"Wait for a moment, Xi!" The blonde then turns his attention back to redhead. "I won't tell them, don't worry! You have my word. Pinky Promise!" Jian Yi grins wide and holds up his left pinky finger. Ignoring the embarrassment and shame of having to do this fucking nonsense, Guan Shan begrudgingly holds up his pinky finger and the two proceed to pinky promise. 

"Thanks," Redhead mutters and retreated his pinky. But then the blonde unexpectedly pulls him into a fierce hug. "Gaahh!"

"Thanks for having us, redhead! Let's hang out more often!" 

"Just leave already!"

Suddenly, a figure hover over the two and He Tian rested his head on top of the blonde's soft locks. "Whatcha doing making pinky promise over here, hmm?"

Guan Shan wanted to tell him to mind his own business but the other beat him to it. "He Tian."

"Hmmm?"

"You know what they say about nosey boys?"

"What?"

Jian Yi's face scrunches up and Guan Shan arched an eyebrow at the weird expression. "Nosey boys..."

"...will have shrinking dicks."

He Tian didn't hesitate to kick the idiot blonde in the rear, causing both Jian Yi and Guan Shan to tumble down the damn sidewalk. 

"What the fuck are you doing, you bastard?!" Guan Shan leaped up so quick, it was almost like a blur. 

"I didn't think you'd fall too!" He Tian shouted back, grinning and dodges a shoe coming his way. 

"You son of a-?!" The words die down on redhead's throat when Jian Yi suddenly ran over to He Tian and in a flash, pulls down his pants before taking off with a bewildered Zheng Xi. "Nice boxer, Tian! Didn't think you'd like that kind of stuff! We gotta go, bye redhead!"

At this point, Guan Shan should've known that his group of "friends" consist of the weirdest fucking people he's ever hung out with. He didn't comment nor throw the bastard a glance as he calmly walks back into his apartment since he knows that if he said something, the guy would somehow make it sexual and he's just not having that at this time of the hour.

It wasn't until he reaches his door was when he noticed the murderous aura emitting from He Tian's body and a sigh escape his lips. How long was he going to stand there with his pants down to his ankle and showing his bulge in display? This is what he meant when the devil had no shame, whatsoever.

"Hey. Pull your pants up or else you'll scare the neighbors." 

That seems to snap He Tian out of his trance and the taller male smirks. "You mean it'll make them invite me over?"

"Not with that giant ass Nyan cat on your boxer." Guan Shan slams and proceeds to lock his door. Seriously, just how perverted is that bastard? When he heard knocking on his door, he proceeds to ignore it and went to go wash up. But he didn't because the knocking got louder, forcing him to yank the door open and jolts back at the close proximity. 

Guan Shan shove the other away from him and clutch his chest, his breathing growing rapid. "What the fuck, He Tian?! What the hell do you want now?"

"Can I sleep at your place instead?"

"Go fucking die." Redhead gave him the finger and tried to close the door. 

"Why not? I don't think I can walk home in this state. You wouldn't leave me to die out in the street, would you?" He Tian faked pout and Guan Shan rolled his eyes. 

"Stop being so dramatic and go call a cab to take you home. I'm not responsible for what happens to you. It's your fault for drinking so damn much." 

"I didn't want to lose," He Tian grumbles under his breath, leaning against the door frame for support. "Let me stay here for one night. Please, just for one night is all I'm asking. I can barely stand up straight, Mo." 

Guan Shan stays mute and stares at the other up and down, noticing the staggering movements and the fast breathing. Mustering up all of the protests ready to be sprout out of his mouth, he groans loudly and yanks He Tian inside, closing the door. An image of an unconscious He Tian passing out on the streets with vomit all over him isn't something pleasant. 

He didn't expect the god damn bastard to be this heavy, though.

"Fuck! You're heavy!" Redhead hissed and drags him to the couch, releasing him. "One night. Then I want you gone in the morning." He had to look away fast because he could never get used to He Tian smiling genuinely at him as it only made his insides weird. 

"Thank you." He Tian whispered softly and closed his eyes. Redhead turns around to go wash up, but stops midway and looked over his shoulder. His face flushed at the intense gaze once more and he quickly heads into his bathroom. 

"Good night, Guan Shan!" He Tian shouted. Guan Shan ignored him and went to turn off all of the lights. 

After taking a nice shower and brushing his teeth, the red fox wants nothing but sleep at the moment. He's not really looking forward to the effect of the booze the next morning, but right now, it doesn't matter. Turning off the light in his bedroom, he collapses onto his bed and begins to make himself comfortable. But then He Tian popped up into his mind and he opened his eyes.

He totally forgot about He Tian momentarily and sat up. Heading into his closet, he takes out an extra pillow and blanket, then walks out to the living room. When he sees that He Tian hadn't bothered to make himself comfortable nor did the guy removed his jacket, Guan Shan debated whether or not to take over. 

With a grunt, he laid the pillow on one side and the blanket on the other. With careful movements, he removed the black jacket and socks, then folds them neatly to be placed on the table. Then he moved He Tian into a laying position before covering him with a blanket. Thank god the black hair male was sound asleep cause otherwise, he would've seen the intense blush on his face. Not wanting to stay any longer in case He Tian wakes up, Guan shan makes his way back to his bedroom and got underneath his own blanket. He could feel sleep creeping up on him and happily embrace it.

Except that it never came and his eyes snapped open when he remembers that Jian Yi now knows his secret. He moves into his back and covered his eyes with his arms. "Shit!"

Can he really trust Jian Yi to keep his words? He knows that the idiot could never hide anything from Zheng Xi and would somehow blurt it out without thinking. Especially, when the blonde gets drunk and Guan Shan was starting to regret not having the party at He Tian's instead of his place. Not being able to stop his mind from overthinking, he simply laid there and stare at his ceiling in the darkness. He couldn't stop worrying and his mind wouldn't shut the fuck up.

What if Jian Yi doesn't keep his words?

What if Jian Yi was playing with him?

What if Jian Yi plans to blackmail him? 

No, he wouldn't do that...

What if He Tian heard us in the bathroom, but doesn't want to mention it? Guan Shan eyes squeeze shut. Fuck, he didn't even think about if He Tian had eavesdropped on them.

What if-

But why the fuck does it matter if He Tian finds out? 

Redhead grips his hair tight. It doesn't fucking matter! Just stop thinking, damn it!

But he just couldn't and suddenly, his mind is going on a frenzy and he forced himself to lay back down and closed his eyes, concentrating on his breathing. It's becoming too much and redhead could feel his heart race. Too fucking much. The constant worries were eating him up inside at the thought of Jian Yi accidentally spilling his secret out and it reaching He Tian scares him to the very core. 

The only problem is he doesn't know why he cares so much if He Tian were to find out. 

Guan Shan managed to get his breathing under control, but the worries were still at the back of his mind. Unable to sleep, he grabs his phone and thought about texting Jian Yi for reassurance because even if he hates relying on other people, right now.....he just needs to know.

Need to know if he can really trust Jian Yi. 

As if the universe heard his thoughts, a text from an unknown number popped up on his screen and he taps on it. 

From Jian Yi:

Hey Guan Shan. It's me, Jian Yi. I got your number from He Tian's a few days back and wanted to text you to let you know this is my number for when you need to contact me and because we're friends for life. Anyways, about what happened today, don't worry. I won't tell a soul, not even to Zheng Xi because I know how much it means to you if no one else knows about it. I know how much you dislike the fact that someone found out about your "secret". I want you to know that you can trust me, ok? I'm here when and wherever you need me. No, this isn't some bullshit crap that you're reading, I mean every word. As a friend, I care and want you to know that you're not alone. Ever. So if you ever feel like the world is becoming too much and you just want to give up, call or text me so I can show you why you're needed in this world. Please remember that. Zheng Xi just told me to stop bothering you, so I'll let you sleep now. Let's hang out more, okay?! :D Good night and sleep well, redhead!~ ^u^

Guan Shan's vision suddenly grew blurry and he snorted at the last statement. He typed a response and closed his eyes, feeling more reassured now.

To Jian Yi:

Thank you, Jian Yi. I will surely keep that in mind. Good night and sleep well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm sorry for the late update! I'm currently on summer break from school and have been focusing on other things. Because I know you guys were waiting for this update, I stayed up past my bedtime to submit this chapter. Nonetheless, thank you so much for your patience and hope you enjoyed this chapter! Until then, stay tuned my lovelies~ 
> 
>  
> 
> "If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul." - Rabbi Harold Kushner


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy~

~~~

Mo Guan Shan's eyes snapped wide open. Something is burning.

Ignoring the pounding headache, he throws off his blanket and ran out of his room. The smoke was coming from the kitchen and when he enters, he sees a shirtless He Tian holding a burnt frying pan and a spatula in the other hand. He must have made an inhumane noise because He Tian suddenly turns around and gave him a stiff smile. "Morning."

"What the hell are you doing!? Are you trying to burn my place down?! Gimme that!" Guan Shan snatch the pan and halts at the burnt content. He then becomes aware of the cookbook on the counter, the bowl of pancakes mix sitting next to the book, the empty pancake box in the trash, and flour all over the counter. The eggs carton were opened and a few eggshells were littered on the counter. To put this shortly, his kitchen is one huge fucking mess.

"Were you trying to make pancakes?" Redhead asked, incredulously. In all his years of life, he had never met someone who's cooking was this terrible. The pancake was literally reduced to a black glob in the center. He Tian looked away and crossed his arms. "Yes. I wanted to show my appreciation for you letting me sleep here, but I fucked up."

The headache became full blast at this point and Guan Shan puts the pan down in order to go retrieve some pain meds. Why in the living fresh of hell did he ever agreed to let He Tian stay the night? He should have at least predicted something like this would happen but he didn't think that the guy would be up and alert as of right now, standing shirtless in his kitchen while attempting to make breakfast for the two of them. 

He could choose to kick the guy out as of right now, but he's too busy dealing with this pounding headache and he knew that it must be late in the afternoon if He Tian is up, since years of dealing with the bastard have taught him that the guy is NOT an early morning riser. Suddenly, he felt nauseous and immediately ran on over to the sink, feeling He Tian patting his back. Afterward, he gurgles his mouth with water and wipes his mouth.

"If you need pain meds, they're right over there. I figured you'd need them once you wake up." He Tian nudges with his head toward the direction and Guan Shan immediately takes them, downing it with a glass of water that was also next to the pills. After wiping his mouth, he moans quietly and walks on over to his couch. "I'm never drinking with you guys ever again," he grumbles quietly.

His eyes were still crusted with sleep and he felt like total shit. He just couldn't understand why He Tian isn't feeling like shit right now since the bastard drank more than him. With his eyes half opened, redhead crane his neck toward the clock and groaned. It's half past 2 in the afternoon, which means that he's already late for work. 

Debating whether or not to check in today since he felt like crap in total, he slowly stood up from the couch and made his way to the bathroom to wash up. As much as Guan Shan would like to sleep in today until the booze went away, money doesn't exactly fall out of the sky and he had bills to pay if he wants to keep his apartment and not rely on his mom. Plus, his boss and coworkers might be worried that he didn't come in today since he was one of their best chef there. 

"Are you going to go to work today?" He Tian asked softly and Guan Shan groaned in response. "Yeah. I'm going to go wash up, don't make any more mess." The redhead didn't have the strength to get angry anymore. All he wants to do is go back to bed and sleep the fatigue away, but the bills aren't going to pay for themselves and no way would he accept He Tian's help if the guy offered. 

He didn't wait for a response and walks on over to his bathroom. Sending a prayer to the universe that He Tian doesn't do anything stupid like wanting to suddenly cook scrambled eggs or even make toast, he tosses his clothes to the bin and hops into the shower. The warm water hitting his skin is an invitation he happily accepts, feeling his muscles loosening up and he sighs out loud. As he squirts a reasonable size amount of his strawberry scented shampoo onto his palms, he could still feel the embarrassment of having such a girly shampoo. His mom was the one who gave him a giant size bottle of it as a joke, but jokes on her, because he ended up liking the smell of it now, but he wasn't about to admit that to her. Lord forbids He Tian finding out. He then washes his hair and just when he could feel himself slowly regaining the energy for the day, memories of last night hit him like a train. 

Guan Shan could feel his movements getting slower as he replays Jian Yi's text message. A part of him feels reassured knowing that the blonde would keep quiet about the secret, but he couldn't brush off the worry still lingering at the back of his head. He knows he should trust Jian Yi a bit more but he never really liked people. But Jian Yi had saved him twice back in middle school so it wouldn't hurt to put a little trust in the guy.

Redhead rinses off the shampoo out of his head and moved on to the conditioner. While the conditioner sets on his hair, he moved on to scrubbing his body and his eyes landed on his face cleanser. Yes, he really did like to maintain his appearance and so he moved on to clean his face, hoping to also get rid of the puffiness from his face. When redhead was still living with his mom, he got several beauty lessons from her and he scoffed at them at first, until he started to actually listen to her and he just kept with the regimen. A man has to take care of his hygiene and appearance is what his mom always tells him.

After rinsing the conditioner off and turning off the shower, he slides the door open and scrunches his nose when his bathroom now reeks of strawberry. He grabs his blue towel and wraps it around his waist, and proceed to open the door but when he finds himself bumping straight into a muscular chest, he screamed and stumbled back. "What the chicken dick?!"

"Sorry, I really needed to piss and you took too long." He Tian pushed him aside and was about to go relieve himself when the scent had him halt his feet. "Why does it smell like strawberry in here?"

Ignoring the last question, Guan Shan's eyes nearly bulge right out of his socket and he splutters. "I-I didn't even take that long!" When he saw that He Tian was about to pull down the zippers, he yanks the door shut and went to quickly put on his work clothes. 

"Guan Shan!" He Tian hollers from the bathroom. The sound of the toilet flushing could be heard, along with the sink running.

"What?!" Redhead shouted back, trying his best to smooth out his clothes. He then grabs his cologne but halts at the response.

"Your boss called while you were in the shower. I told him that you would call back once you finished showering," He Tian announced as he exits out of the bathroom. 

"Fuck! You didn't say anything unnecessary, did you?!" Guan Shan immediately grab his phone from his desk, taps on the speed dial before shooing He Tian out of his room. The black hair male pouts and went to go clean up his mess while the redhead went back to his bathroom to style his hair. "Boss, you called me?"

"Hey, Guan Shan! I was calling to see if everything is okay since you didn't come to work today."

"I'm so sorry, my friends came over last night and I ended up drinking too much with them. I'll be there in a few minutes, I'm getting ready right now." 

"Well, if you're feeling shitty, you could take the day off. You've been working hard enough already!"

"No that's okay, I'm on my way!" 

"But-! 

Guan Shan didn't wait for his boss to reply and ended the call. It's a good thing that he and his boss had a great relationship to begin with, or otherwise, he would've lost his job just from simply hanging up on the guy. Once he deems his hair is styled nicely, he turns off the lights and ran out to the living room with his phone in his hand, but not before checking on his now clean kitchen. He Tian wasn't anywhere to be seen and he thought that the bastard must have finally left. But he didn't have time to be surprised, he had a job to do and with that being said, Guan Shan grabs his keys and bolted out of the door. As must as he appreciated his boss for allowing him to stay home today, he rather goes earn money by doing what he likes than staying at home all day.

Not to mention, He Tian would probably nag him to go spend the day with him and he grimaces at the thought. "Well, at least he cleaned up and left," he mutters and walks out of his apartment, only to freeze in place at the unexpected sight.There's a black shiny car parked in front of his place and He Tian smiling up at him. "Yo!"

"W-why are you still here?! I don't remember seeing your car here last night!" Guan Shan splutters out. He quickly locked the doors and heads straight to his bike. 

"I went to grab it this morning. I'll give you a lift to your work since it's the least I can do for the mess earlier." 

"That won't be necessary and I told you that I wanted you gone in the morning. Now hurry up and leave already. I'm going to be late for work." With that being said, Guan Shan proceed to remove the chains, only to find himself get lifted off of the ground and shove into a car. "What the fuck, He Tian?!"

"Stop being so stubborn and just let me do this, at least."

"You bastard! I told you that-?!" A sandwich shoved into his mouth stopped his ranting and he glares at the black hair male. With a huff, he took a bite of his sandwich and chewed wordlessly. He hadn't realized how hungry he was until he heard his stomach growling. Guan Shan didn't understand why the latter suddenly remains quiet, as it only made the redhead grow anxious and so he forced it down, opting to focus on the sandwich.

When He Tian sees that the redhead had finally calmed down, he smiles a little and started the engine. "I meant it when I said I wanted to show my appreciation but I fucked up, and it's also my fault that you drank in the first place and overslept. I actually woke up early but I didn't bother to wake you up because you would've thrown a tantrum." 

Guan Shan could feel his ears heat up at the last statement and looked out the window. Well, that wasn't a lie. He probably would have kicked the guy in the groin for waking him up so early, so a part of him felt relieved that the latter left him alone. The anger in his system was slowly reducing to a minimum and he sighs. It's not something to get worked up on, considering he Tian just wanted to repay him back. 

"He Tian."

"Yeah?"

".....I appreciate you wanting to take me there but it's literally not that far from my apartment."

"How near is it?"

"It's close to the university." He took a peek at the black hair devil and his eyes widen at the sullen face. 

"Oh, is that so?" 

Silence befalls between them once more and his eyebrows furrowed. Was it his imagination or did He Tian sounded kind of disappointed? At this moment, he knew that it was his chance to literally get out of the car right now, but his legs wouldn't listen to him. He dares a peek over to the other and sure enough, there was disappointment written all over the taller's face. Did He Tian really wanted to make it up to him that bad? He flinches slightly when the black hair male finally spoke up.

"I didn't realize it was that close. I never saw it whenever I leave the campus. But I guess if it's near...then you don't need me to give you a ride. I'm sorry for forcing you into my car."

The redhead finally exhales out loudly, catching the attention of the other. "Go straight and then turn right." When he didn't get a response, he cranes his neck to the left and is met with a surprised pair of eyes. 

"What?"

"You heard me, idiot. Go straight and then turn right. I don't mind getting a lift to work today since I'm still incredibly tired from last night," Guan Shan muttered and stare out the window to hide the slight blush from his face. Screw it, it's just for today. The car's engine suddenly roars to life and he once again glances over to He Tian, but instantly regretted it because the guy was smiling again. One of those smile that would get his heart race each time without fail and he tried to calm the fuck down as he utters out the directions to his workplace. 

Halfway through the road, Guan Shan wonders if allowing He Tian to drive him to work today was a good idea because that would mean the latter would know where he works at and would probably come to annoy him in broad daylight. But it's too late to be thinking such thing since they were currently in the road. His thoughts are cut as the familiar building emerges into view 10 minutes later and the car is parked in front of the building. 

"You weren't kidding when you said it's near your apartment. This is where you work at?" He Tian asked, amazed at the exterior. 

"I told you. Yeah. Got a problem with it?" Guan Shan responded with no heat and unbuckled his seatbelts. 

"No. I like it. It looks like it gives off that home feeling." 

The redhead didn't deny on that comment because it was one of the reasons why he loved working here, after all. Not only was a popular place for college students to come grab lunch, all of the coworkers were so chill and laid back. "Yeah, it really does. Thanks for the ride." Not wanting to stay any longer to hear the response in case the bastard wanted him to do something ridiculous like kissing him on the cheek, he opens the door and steps out.

"Need me to drive you back home after work?" He Tian asked, a bit hopeful that the redhead would say yes.

Guan Shan ponders for a bit on the question. He could ask one of his coworkers to give him a lift or even walk home but he always gets tired after work, so walking home is out of the option. But he also doesn't want to trouble his coworkers by having them give him a lift back home, even if they offered a few times. It's just not who he is. He doesn't like to owe anyone debt. But having He Tian giving him a ride home doesn't make it any easier since he never knows what the guy's intentions are. He's still not used to the nice He Tian, even if they're now university students.

"Guan Shan?" The latter's voice rang through his mind, successfully causing him to snap back to reality and he's out of the car, then shuts it. After a few seconds of silence, he sighs deeply. He then hovers over the passenger's window and locked eyes with He Tian's. 

"Just for today. Pick me up at 6 pm, that's when I get off work." 

He Tian's face suddenly lights up once more and Guan Shan immediately stood up straighter, making his way to the front. "Don't forget, you hear?!"

"I won't! Oh, wait, Guan Shan! I forgot to tell you one last thing!" He Tian hollered.

The redhead rolled his eyes and turns his body sideways. "What is it?!"

"I think I know why this place gives off that home vibe!" 

Guan Shan lifted an eyebrow. "And why is that?" His heart stopped beating for a moment when the black haired male gave him one of his sweetest smiles. 

"Because you work there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya~ Thanks for being patient with me! It takes me a while to upload since it takes a lot of energy for me to work on my chapters. U_U I hope you all like this chapter and as always, stay tuned, my lovelies~


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